As I’ve mentioned often, the book A Glass Half Empty? …or Half Full? was written as much for *me* as it was for Jill or for anyone else and I often find myself wondering if I am looking at my own Glass will all that ‘perspective’ I preach on about.
My own Glass has gotten quite Full this Summer.
· A lot of it I poured into my own glass
· A Lot MORE of it, I did not…but it got poured in there anyway.
I am in the middle of selling my house and buying another one – a little smaller now that I no longer share the home with Jill.
Escrow Papers,
and Loan Questionnaires
and Inspections
and Appraisals
and Counters…
I didn’t really MEAN to pour those in my Glass …. but there they are.
I’ve also had some good fortune in my day job and have multiple projects to work on at once! Good problem to have, but my days are quite full jumping from project to project.
Better busy than bored, right?
The emotional contents of my Glass have been filling up as well. Moving and the Summer itself, of course, bring me to thoughts of my love, Jill.
Today is 6-months since she passed away. Her death, by suicide, is still and always will be hard to accept. Grief is different now, 6-months later, but still and in some ways even more real.
And then there is Suicide.
The deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain 2 months ago, both by suicide and the same week that an alarming new CDC study was published about the rising suicide rate in the United States…. has poured into all of our Glasses.
Although I’ve preferred to focus on the Mental Health aspects of the story, it is hard to ignore the need to address the topic of “Suicide,” and my willingness to say so and to talk about it; has led to some good media opportunities for me.
And So: Full Glass!
It’s great to have, most of this in my life right now – but not always great to have it all at the same time and starting to spill over the edges of my Glass.
My first reaction is, I think, the one most of us have – sort of a natural reaction when the Glass is overflowing.
P A N I C !
It can create a kind of ‘fight or flight’ reaction when one realizes that the Glass is about to overfill.
And while ‘panic’ isn’t necessarily a productive plan; it does often spur immediate action just when that is needed.
Here is where some technique and practice come into play; and those of us who have had lives with lots of life (yes, that’s YOU I’m talking about) probably have had plenty of opportunities to practice these techniques:
1. We often have to find the things we can Sacrifice:
But, it’s important to CHOOSE the things we sacrifice and not just let them be conveniently be scrapped for us.
Two things I can think of that I’ve ‘sacrificed’ this summer come to mind:
Summer Movies: I usually see them all, and I’ve only been able to make to a few this year.
Exercise: Just can’t seem to make it to the gym as often these days.
It is important for me to accept that these are both *choices* I am making (and probably smart for me to consider making a better choice when it comes to physical fitness)
2. It’s also not uncommon to find those things that we might consider “Excess Baggage.”
One of the upsides of the ‘call to action’ to deal with an overflowing Glass is that it can be a great clarifier about what is *really* important in your glass.
Some of those “sacrifices” are so easy to make, it’s often a good opportunity to recognize them as real opportunities to simplify aspects of our life.
Some of those “sacrifices” are so easy to make, it’s often a good opportunity to recognize them as real opportunities to simplify aspects of our life.
Does that ‘daily stop at the coffee shop, really need to be daily?’ …or did you just start that habit and now feel somehow bound to it?
The overfull glass creates some urgency to really push on our habits and worries; Use It to Tidy Up!
3. Trim, don’t Cut
It’s tempting to find the things in our Glass that we can just “Cut Out” entirely. Have you ever found yourself thinking “If I could just get rid of these 7 obligations … I’d be set!”?
The rub is that it can be very difficult to pick something from your Glass to cut out entirely. Generally, you really only get to choose to cut the items that you are putting into your Glass (and can only try to influence this for things that others are pouring into your Glass).
It is not fun to “Cut Out” something that you actually like (especially if it’s to make room for things that you don’t like so much).
In fact, it can become paralyzing and we often can’t make any decision at all – but to suffer with an overflowing glass.
In fact, it can become paralyzing and we often can’t make any decision at all – but to suffer with an overflowing glass.
A great technique is one I learned from author and financial advisor Suze Orman: Trim don’t Cut!
Rather than finding things in your Glass to Cut Out entirely, try just “Trimming Back” on some of the items in there.
· Could that “daily” stop at the Coffee Shop, instead of being “Cut” entirely, be trimmed back to 2 or 3 times a week?
· Although I am having a hard time making it to the Gym every day for 60 minutes, could I go for just 30 minutes – or maybe go every other day, for say 45 minutes?”
The relief and release this technique is a great way to address your Overflowing Glass. You can still act with urgency, just a little less dramatically.
4. This Too Shall Pass
Finally, a word about perspective over a length of time. It is easy to ‘over-react’ to an Overflowing Glass, with Panic pushing us forward, and to assume that the condition is permanent.
But with a little reflection and perspective; we often find that there are factors that make this a temporary condition.
Over the next months, I will sell the house, move into the new one, deal with all the chaos of relocating….and then….it should be over.
Understanding and accepting the some of the things being poured into our Glass (by ourselves or by others) have a limited time to them is an important step toward really evaluating your reactions to the Overfull Glass.
It can also be important to recognize the things that do NOT have this kind of time-horizon and to differ your techniques for dealing with the ‘short-term” vs ‘long-term’ items in your Glass
It can also be important to recognize the things that do NOT have this kind of time-horizon and to differ your techniques for dealing with the ‘short-term” vs ‘long-term’ items in your Glass
Managing a Glass Overflowing is a Life Skill that most of us spend our lifetimes perfecting. It’s almost certainly a better problem to be facing than a ‘Nearly Empty Glass” (although those times come too, and require their own techniques).
Perhaps the most important thing about all of this is to be aware of the state of your Glass and your feelings about it. Stepping back and using that power of “perspectives’ to look at your Glass can be a game changer when life gets so, so busy!
I, for one, am glad to have the tool to look at my current situation and make some different choices in the weeks ahead about how I feel and what I do about my overflowing Glass.
For now, I think I’ll go to the gym to get some exercise….
